Again

I'm back..  I appreciate the concern.  I'm really ok.  I think it was a combination of self imposed standards and insecurity and midlife crisis.

I read the other day that life begins at 40, up until then it is all practice.  Ha ha.  Well now that I am (cough cough) 50! I would think that I would be better adapted after all of that practice.  And left the old childhood insecurities behind. Um, not so much.

I just need to focus on being the best me that I can be. And not pay attention to the rest of the world..My wise friend and unpaid therapist asked me; why I impose different standards upon myself than I judge others by.  Not sure. I appreciate and better like the uniqueness and creativity in others.  But dislike my own creations. I like to have something mastered without going through the draft stages.

I have always been way over achieving in my goals. Thus setting myself up for grief and often failure.  For example, years ago I decided I wanted to sew.  What project do I tackle: plaid pants (yes, matching the plaid at the seams).  I nearly drove myself nuts.  I just can't seem to approach in a progressive manner.  I always want to jump ahead. 

I guess I just think big.  And being the youngest, strive to out do.  If you want to motivate me, just tell me that I can't do something.  I'll show you!  I may be part bulldog.  Actually I'm the product of my German (stubborn perfectionist) mother and my Scottish (stubborn superior attitude perfectionist) father.  I'm not sure which one I am more like.  Trying to suppress both of them!

In the meantime, I am working on setting small achievable short term personal growth goals. I am exercising daily.  Running three times a week.  Reading more.  Taking an online class (on The Walking Dead). And just trying to make the most of each day.

And spending more time thinking and doing for others.