Setting the Record Straight

This post is dedicated to Mrs. Goofy. One summer day, I was painting the living room. Tdawg was probably about three years old. He had lots of small animal toys. He would show them to me while I painted. So, he said: Leezard Mommy! (Um what?) "Leezard Mommy...Leezard run fast." Wait! What do you mean run fast?? Yes, it was a large (7" from nose to tail)blue tail lizard running into my kitchen. I could only imagine two unpleasant outcomes. One: lizard gets trapped under the fridge and dies a smelly death. Or two: lizard is loose and runs over me in the middle of the night. So, I try to call Cletus. No answer. So I call Con-bon to see if her hubby is home. He is not. She suggested that I go to Wally World and buy a terrarium and keep the lizard. No, not an option! So I grab the BIG gulp cup and the pancake spatula. And proceed to put the cup in front of the lizard and tap the spatula against the floor behind the lizard. Ureka! the lizard runs into the cup. I proceed to run (yes, RUN) screaming through the laundry room, down the steps, through the garage and out into the yard. I slung everything and ran back into the house; making sure to close the garage door and lock the bolt. Whew! So, I look out of the window, sure to see Lizard and the gang mounting a full scale assault on our home. No, I saw Earle, my neighbor staring at the cup and spatula. He called me and asked if he could have the "perfectly good" spatula that I threw in the yard. Absolutely!! I did warn him of the lizard germs! It wouldn't be the last time that Earle thought I'd completely lost my mind!!